Leaving tonight for the usa

WOOHOO. Finally out of here. Laterz!

2 weeks then home

The title says it all.

Some Good news for a change - yet still deressed

Well,

I finally have some good news to add to my blog of hate :)

My gf's visa for the USA was approved and we are going up to NY/FL for xmas and new year. And my boss was nice enough to give me a nice vacation time. Even with all this. I still feel depressed though. In the last few weeks. I've heard my aunt (fathers sister) is having mini strokes and my other aunt on my moms side isnt doing so well and she she be in hospis. And, well, As much as i dont want to think about it. My grandma is prob not doing so well either. She cant remember too much and she misses my grandpa. So who knows maybe this will be her last xmas? I hope not.

I was told I could stay till February on my money. I am thinking about it. Esp with all this going on. I might not get a second chance to see these people. Why does life have to be like this?

I guess the only thing i can pray/hope for is the holidays goes well. I really need it mentally and physically. I really miss my family and I miss my home.

Oh well. I'll let whoever reads this blog know. How it all turns out.

Wish me luck.

Another fucked up day in the philippines

So, I wake up to find out my drivers license is still not ready this is now 3 months. So, who knows whats going to happen to this women.

Shortly after I find out from my gf that her grandma is in the hospital due to faiting from low blood sugar. She has 10 people around her all day and night and yet this happens. what a fucked up place.

So, i ask my maid to make me breakfast. simple peanut butter and jelly. I get out of the shower and just as im about to eat it. I look at the bread and its all molded and shit. So, she almost poised me. That pissed me off as im pissed already. Then I go to look for my jeans and guess what? they are not ironed and shit is laying in the bedroom now 2 weeks so now im really fucking pissed off. and im yelling at them. I trust these people with my life and my well being and they are fucking around. Time to crack the WHIP NYC STYLE!

Now, im in the car with my driver and we are heading to laguna to see my gf's grandma and get my gf. He gets out of the car and leaves the fucking stick shift on drive and im rolling towards the wall and i jump and grab the break.

What the hell is going on around here? I feel like im the god damn twilight zone.


Lets hope i survive the day at this rate. I need a bottle of vodka ASAP. This is too much for me in one day.

New Quote

One nike gym bag - $60 bucks
one nokia cell phone - $100 bucks
one ounce of semtex - $500 bucks

One Dead dirty cop - Priceless

Barneys New York

So, What are the chances of a barneys opening in the philippines? I miss the shopping. OPEN OPEN OPEN !!! I say OPEN OPEN OPEN.

LOL!

No one can afford that here but me LOL good luck.

Yet Another Philipino story

So,

everyone says you are safe because their are guards around. A few days ago a friend got his cell phone taken off the table he was eating lunch. 10 or so guards with guns cant stop one man. One guard fired a shot into the air.

Now, this is why i carry my 9mm. If i were there done deal. Shoot him in the leg and give the guard 1K peso and tell the guard to tell the cops he saved the day and walk away.

Lesson to be learned trust your life with yourself living here.

Funny video my cousin made to make fun of his dad

My new toy!

Check out my new toy. just got it licensed under me.

It's damn nice. I ran 250 rounds through it without one jam.

My new carry gun.

Fast cure? Long pain? real cure? no meds?

Well, as you know I suffer from extreme panic attacks. If i drink one bottle of redhorse it goes away after 10 minutes. If i take my pills 1-2 hrs and I still feel it. So, Do i take pills? and redhorse? Or do i just take 2 litro redhorses per day? and say fuck it?

HMMMMM!

Accupuncture + chinease medicince

So,

I finally said fuck it and tried Chinese medicine. They say it helps so i tried it.



Here are some pics of the stuff. I'll let you know how it works.

New updates!

Well,

I finally have good news to add this blog of hate. I finally got my Banking issues completed and I might be able to get a local credit card! It only took two months to figure this all out but its done.

secondly, we have just started going to the gym. I want to keep this going and see if i feel better.

Are philipinos born liars? All I hear from all are lies and more lies. are they just born to lie? if that's the fact I guess I need to accept it.

Life issues - banking issues - working issues - Credit Card issues

So,

I finally got my American express card fixed up. It took 2 weeks and me getting involved to get it solved. The wonderful IRS didnt want to hand over the documents. So, I had to stay up till 1am and get it fixed. So thats one thing out of the way.

Step 2:

All my HSBC accounts are closed. And, all local banks here dont allow USD -> PESO over the ATM. I found one bank which can do it for me. BPI. So, I find somehting and now of course there is a problem.

A) The limit on the ATM card is 20K peso per day ($400). And the max you can raise it to is 50K peso (littler over 1k USD) wow :)

B) They want to know where the funds are coming from and giving me a hard time. I cant deposit legal money in the damn bank. Its ludicris

Step 3:

Work is just a blah! To say the least. I am surrounded by morons 24hrs a day. That dont want to work or just dont know how or whatever. Im talking about white people too. Asking me questions that they know the answer to. Then I have people asking me questions that i dont know then i got ask my boss and he gives a remark towards my qurstion. So why the hell should i bother? I really dont understand anymore.

Step 4: Life problems

I dono. My mom has a rare blood disorder called polycythemia vera. She will have it for the rest of her life and she neeeds to get 1 pint of blood taken out 3-4 times a year fun stuff eh?

My panic attacks are still the same. Im on 4 diff meds nothing is helping. Its just one big stress ball. I finally filed my IRS taxes and didnt have to pay thank god. So thats one less thing to worry about.


Final note: I just hope things get easier soon. I cant take it much longer. I really cant. People might think im being over crazy. But for me its a major thing and i really cant handle it any longer.

Unlock ALL blackberrys for FREE

So, After a long search. I figured out how to unlock a blackberry for free with the help of MFI(MML)

Here is the guides:

http://gizmodo.com/5101535/unlock-blackberry-8000+9000-series-phones-for-free

The software is SEMI legal and will void your warranty. So, do it at your risk!

Hooters in the Philippines

Check out this video I took last night at hooters. They are some crazy people. Signing and dancing and throwing water over people!

WEIRD!

I must have a twin brother. My mom sent me this pic. He even is wearing my bacelet and old ring! and drinking beer! Is there another me!?

Cebu Vacation

So, I finally decided to go on a short real vacation. We picked the whitesands hotel in cebu. Fromt the internet the place looked great and it was around 7K peso a night which is around 175 dollars. Well, When we arrived at cebu and took the car to the hotel. It was a nightmare. The rooms looked like motel rooms and the beach was tiny. So, I quickly said the hell with this. Lets book at the shangrila.

The next day we checked into the shang. It was beautiful and the staff was very helpful. We got there at 7am and were supposed to check-in at 9am. But, there were some problems. And we wound up checking in at 2pm. No problems though. We got to lay by the beach the whole day. Also, The food was excellent.

For now on, I think I will stick to US based resorts. Every vacation I go on which is owned/ran by a philipino I tend to hate and have problems. So, Ill just pay a bit more and have fun.

Here are some pics from the trip:

Things I miss.

I miss my old bangbros job. I used to be fun. and, we all had a good time. Then, I dont know what changed. And, everyone started to become corporate and not want to talk/hang out with me and others. I guess this can happen in any small company. But, it was strange because it was like one day best friends next day who? I remember a few month before i left the job. My boss telling me buy a condo you'll be around around for awhile. Go figure, within 3-4 months I wound up leaving the place because of the way I was being treated. Hell, I was making a good salary too..... But, I couldnt swallow it for the way i was treated. Yet, I still miss the old days.



This is going to sound weird. But, when I lived in miami. I had a alley behind my condo where a street person named 'John' used to hang out and live. I honestly forget how I met / started talking to him. I think it was something random and he wanted to help me for no reason. Then, we became friendly. I would bring him some beers outside when i left bangbros and we used to drink the whole day and just talk about non-sense. It helped me alot. Because my girlfriend at the time was just not there for me. So, I really had no one to talk to. She was too busy with herself and her idiot family and that kinda bullshit. I even used to cook him dinner every now and again because i felt bad. He was such a nice guy and out on the street. I guess he was sick in the head though. Because, he was able to work and such and no matter what i said. He would always say 'John, why should i work. Im happy just how i am. I am happy here in the street. I do what i want. I can walk whre i want.' How can i argue with that? if hes happy oh well.

Btw: here is the dudly's website http://callais.net/



There was also this couple i met in my building. I only remember the mans name his name was dudly. We used to call him dug lol. I got the name from john. And, his real name was dudly heh. funny stuff. Well, Anyways. He used to join us for a beer outside and talk about shit. I invited the guy and his wife over for dinner a few times. His wife went to some wedding or something and I invited him in for dinner and drinks. It's amazing the peope you can meet if you are willing to lend your hand out. And, Just think I met these people just before i left miami to come to manila Philippines.


I miss having talks with my grandpa when I used to go visit him in boca almost every weekend. And, Sometimes during the week. We used to stay up till 3-4am sometimes and just talk about anything. it could be life,girls,computers,money anything you could possibly think of. I guess in short I miss him.

I miss my mom and dad from new york. But, its been such a long time since ive been there. Feels like ive been away from NYC for 30yrs and im only 27. It's weird how time starts to fly when you get older. I miss my old friends kinda. Even though I wound up paying for them always since they never had a job or anything. The last time i went back I found out one of them got married! the guy only makes like $5 a hr and hes married....... God.... My other 2 friends are still nothing. "Still in school"

Lastly, I miss the FOOD! I eat well here. But, soooo many things i miss. dont even want to type them out. Because, ill get mad i cant have it :P

Next day.

Feeling a bit better i guess. Though still sick. But, getting better i think.

Still thinking about the whole dr deal. Not sure if its just something I need to work on or I need help. Kind of weird. Most people refuse shrinks. Because they dont think they need them. Im in the middle i guess.

Nothing new to report. Same old shit diff day.

Haven't Written a post in a long time.

Well,

Here we go again. I have not written in my blog in a long time. Since the last time a lot has happened. I wound up moving out of my crap ass 3 bedroom condo to a HUGE 4 bedroom house. It's costing me $1200 a month out of my pocket. But, it somehow feels nice to have space and a place for me.

Anyways, this is not the reason for this post. I have been suffering my "Panic attacks" every single day for the last year or so i guess. I went to the ER one night it was soo bad I thought i was going to die. They ran some tests and such. and said its anxiety. The next day I went to my local dr and got a full blood test and chest xray. Both came back 100% good. Even my liver is good ;) Go figure right? He prescribed me (XANOR) which is XANAX in the states. I've been taking this medicine 2x to 3x a day 1MG each time. It controls it to an extent. But, the attack is still there. If i miss my dose by minutes I get an attack and i cant deal with hit. So, now the only thing left on my mind is what do i do? Im contemplating seeing a shrink if you can believe it. I really dont see any other way. I've tried soo many things. I recently talked to my girlfriend about not causing fights with the staff which bothers me and I told her I dont want to hear the stories because it also bothers me. I was hoping this would solve it. But, its been 1-2 weeks and im still having the attacks on a daily basis. Lately they are worse but i think that's because of my bronchitis i got from someone.

Let me try here.........

My fears / Reasons for stress

1) Someone back home might die and I wont be able to be there. Or, worse I'll feal guilty that i was not there.

*********2) I didn;t go to my grandfathers funeral last year. because he had some clause in his will where soon as he dies they burn him with no service. And, now i found out my grandma has the same. So, i guess i wont see her godforid. This one item PLAQUES me. Because i cant understand why the man did this? And I take it personally. and, I believe its always on my mind. It's something i cant let go. This very thing could be the cause of my panic attacks. because when i think about like I am now. I feel as if i want to cry. Im not even crying for the loss but i am crying why he did this. I know that sounds selfish and it sounds evil. BUt, I have not cried for the loss yet.

3) This is a weird one. But, I feel as if i was never told that i did a good job. I know my dad wanted certain things from me. But, I took another course of action the easy way as usual. and, it seemed to work. But, I never once heard him tell me that hes proud of me and proud of all the things i do. He always looks for something to pick at and yell about. A) About me not being home. B) About a gun. C) About some cold. etc.................

I wish he would just say "JB, I am very proud of you. and of all the things you've done." And mean it. Because i know inside he is. But, he just has never said it without me forcing him.


4) I dont really feel the safest here. So, I have a few guns and i keep people around me. You may ask why? Well, the cops here can be paid off for very cheap. So, I rather protect myself then worry about them. Worse to worse. Someone tries to steal my wallet I give them it. soon as they turn i put two in their back and walk away. Simple as that here. The police to people ratio is 1:3000. Street justice? Maybe, but thats how it is. You need to learn to adapt or you die.

There is a saying from a movie. "Some people respect the badge EVERYONE respects the gun" and its very true. esp here.


5) I work alot. But, hey thats normal life isint it? :) My job is super stressful and always going nuts. So, I guess this adds to my issue. Then my panic attack stuff makes me irritable so i tend to yell at people. I really dont mean it. and I wind up saying sorry about it.


Other then the above. Life is great. I have a nice house and a beautiful girlfriend and a staff who cares about me. My driver is soso :) But, they all are. You just need to learn when to let go and when to bark. My girl on the other hand likes to bark at them ;) Well, thats just her. I like to keep things cool until something happends. Both ways are the same. but just handled diff heh. Funny eh? We both do the same thing just in a diff way. I rather tackle it when its bad. Because while its good i can contine with life rather then worry about stuff. Kinda hard to explain.


Conclusion:

I feel #2 is the main reason for my recent attacks. And, I need to find a way to let go of this pain. I really do. Perhaps I have to give my grandma and aunt a call tonight. I know it causes them pain. But, I cant live like this anymore. and its not fair to me. Lucky I have a nice job who handles me. and understands my hardships even though i never told them the full details. I also say #2 is the issue because its the only thing on the spot i will cry about. And, If i drink/drunk I will cry over it.